Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
