Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
