some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
