Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
