Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
