Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this just has baby written all over it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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