dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize