We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
