why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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