She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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