i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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