Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
