I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize