Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
