Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
