Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
