So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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