You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
