we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize