somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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