He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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