I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
