You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love having hate sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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