Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
