hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
