The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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