I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
