Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im holly from the hills drunk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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