Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
