Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
