apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
