The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
