Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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