$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
