I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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