It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
