I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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