Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
