You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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