I cannot find my penis.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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