high people should be assigned attendants
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
