you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
