you guys were way drunker than both of me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
