Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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