Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
