It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
