I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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