i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
