My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
