no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
