When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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