so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just googled if crying burns calories
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
