i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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