Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
