planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
