hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
