I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
