Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
