the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize