So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
