Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
