I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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