god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All the doctor said was why
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
