I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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