My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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