so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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