You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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