If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
