You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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