I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's no shave November. This is our time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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