turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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