Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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