lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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