I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
