Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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