I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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