you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
