The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
