Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
