you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
