I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
