there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
