Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
