Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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