Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
