no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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