I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
