This girl is more easily done than said...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
