Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize