it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
