just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
