'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
