If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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