if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
