Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
be right there i have to get my cape
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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