he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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