Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
