he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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