So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
