just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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