Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
