I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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