i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
