Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to make out with him forever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
