Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
