Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
