We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
