then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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