just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
