just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
