I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
