I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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