You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
