i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
did i walk over a car last night?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize