The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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